What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bring money and cleavage
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
