Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
