She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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