so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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