Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
