Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
