Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize