Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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