tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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