I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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