hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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