i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
