yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
