Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize