I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
