Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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