She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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