What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
