I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
