yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize