Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
