hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
