I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
