My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize