I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
