I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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