You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
