What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
