just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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