I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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