I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
