he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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