Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have aggressive nipples.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
