Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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