I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
