i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
