Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
