Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
