a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
