Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
