Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
