i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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