What did we do last night that was yellow?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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