But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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