I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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