counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
