do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
