I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
