um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
