Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
