the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
