I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
