the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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