I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize