why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
