dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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