I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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