Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
