just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
