i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
