I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
