This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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