ya dads aren't the best wingmen
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
