Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
