I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
