I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
