Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
