just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to sanitize my soul.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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